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We all read about the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in the fields of education, faith, politics, war, or economy but seldom was written or published about his life (PBUH) inside his house and his relationship with his wives. A person well informed about the familial relationships of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) finds out that it included meanings that we desperately miss in our present time. These meanings would contribute to the stability of our homes and marriages. In this article we are giving some examples of Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH) consideration to the feelings of his wives, his appreciation, and manifestation of love.
Calling one's wife with the name she loves the most or with a nickname or a musical name is one of the forms of pampering and being kind to one's wife. This can be seen in the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who, in a saying 'Hadith' that is agreed upon by scholars, used to say to his wife Ai'sha: "Ai'sh, O Ai'sh, this is Gabriel saying peace be upon you."
He also used to call Ai'sha: "Homayraa'"-a short form of "Hamraa'" which, according to Ibn Kathir in The End 'Al Nehaya' , means the white skinned woman. Althahabi also said that "Hamraa'" in the language of the people of 'Hegaz' means white and blushing-a rare feature among them. So Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to treat Ai'sha kindly and call her with lovely names.
Imam Muslim said that Ai'sha reported that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to kiss one of his wives while fasting which made her laugh may Allah be pleased with her.
In another saying 'Hadith', Ai'sha said that Muhammad (PBUH) said that the best of the believers is the one who is best in manners and kindest to one's wife.
These sayings 'Hadiths' demonstrate how Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) cared for his wives and how well he treated Ai'sha may Allah be pleased with her. One of the forms of cuddling and well treating one's wife is feeding her with one's own hands. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Whatever you spend is considered charity even the mouthful that you put in your wife's mouth." Even the food that one feeds one's wife with one's hands is considered an act of charity that is rewarded by Allah (SBWT) and not only an action that guarantees one her love and cooperation.
Cuddling and being kind to one's wife has a tremendous emotional effect on her. This action of following the example of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) costs a man nothing and grants him Allah's reward, his wife's love and cooperation. Therefore a man is commanded to cuddle and treat his wife kindly.
A man's nature dictates him a certain way of expressing his feelings and it is different from a woman's. A woman expresses her love with words like, I love you, I miss you, I need you, etc. On the other hand, a man expresses love in action and production and seldom with words. If a man wants to tell his wife that he loves her he buys her something she wants or brings some food and drinks or furniture to the house. According to a man, this is a form of expression.
The generous Prophet has indeed overcome this negative trait in the nature of men. He used to describe his love and passion verbally for Lady Ai'sha may Allah be pleased with her, treated her kindly, pamperd her, and let his wives hear what they wished for from their beloved husband. This is an important aspect in a relationship. Ibn Assaker narrated that Lady Ai'sha may Allah be pleased with her said that Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) told her: "I could not care less to die knowing that you are my wife in heaven." Imagine Lady Ai'sha's emotions having heard the words that guaranteed her security, love and peace in this life and in the hereafter.
Al Aas Ibn Al Rabee' the husband of Zaynab the daughter of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) leaves Makkah escaping Islam. She sends him to return and embrace Islam. He sends her a letter, an extract of which is: "By Allah, I don't see your father as an offender and I love nothing more than following the same rout with you dear beloved. However, I hate being said that your husband has let his people down. Would you consider this and pardon me?" The letter demonstrates that Al Aas loved zaynab and wanted to be with her in whatever road. Moreover he hated that people would talk in a way that displeases her. At the end he asks her to consider and pardon him, for the sake of that love Zaynab could go to him and return with him a Muslim.
Some writers demonstrate the respect of the West to women by giving examples like a husband opening the door to the car to his wife. At the surface, this is respect. However, a mature person can see many aspects in which a woman is being offended and disrespected in the West. Muslims do not have the issue of man/woman conflict because they believe each one completes the other and that mutual respect is a must.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is our example in this. One time during his stay alone in adoration of Allah in the last ten days of Ramadan, his wife Lady Safeya came to visit him and spoke with him for some time then went to the door. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) led her to the door to say goodbye. In another narration, he told her: "Do not hurry to leave till I come with you." Her house was at Ussama's and he (PBUH) left with her. Respect is the source of continual love and stability in a family. Therefore we wish it to prevail between a man and a wife.
If spouses treated each other in such way, a marriage would definitely be beautiful. We desperately need to leaf through the life of the Prophet (PBUH) and the Islamic history to discover the most beautiful theories in the art of marriage.